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On Socialization

from Cheaper Than Therapy by Tessa Lynn Plank

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from Cheaper Than Therapy, released September 25, 2017
When I was a kid, I never had a lot to say. I was terrified of humans. I had to find God and be saved. I hated presentations, and I hated show and tell 'cause when you're little and invisible, speaking up is hell. I didn't play with Barbies. Other kids thought I was weird. When the bell would ring for recess all my "friends" would disappear. I was quiet, and I was lonely. And no one seemed to mind. So I'd throw myself onto the ground and pray that I'd be blinded by the flashing light of salvation penetrating through the dark, But instead I'd wind up breathless in the backseat of my parents car.

Mortality is feeble. Happiness is grim. Hell is other people. Redemption's fitting in.

When I got a little older, I finally came to terms with the crushing price of Godliness. The promised land is earned. So I got a job, and I bought a car. I bought a life and friends. It's costs a hell of a lot less to sell yourself than to repent for sins. If you're gonna live, you might as well live for the day. All strung out and high as hell just giving yourself away. The one I loved she ditched me 'cause I was out of control, but I had drugs and money so fuck her I'm rock and roll.

Mortality is feeble. Happiness is grim. Hell is other people. Redemption's fitting in.

When I turned 18 I packed up and I moved out. I was never higher. Pretty soon I bottomed out. Pills and coke and acid and whatever I could drink. The well was never dry and I could bleed into the sink. I'd think of God and Christ and razors and what my folks would say as they tossed handfuls of dirt and flowers into my open grave. "How could she do this when she had so much to give?" But life is fucking shit.

Mortality is feeble. Happiness is grim. Hell is other people. Redemption's fitting in.

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Tessa Lynn Plank Chattanooga, Tennessee

Still out here making bedroom music with my reaper trial and scarlett 2i2.

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