Ambition and Delusion

by Tessa Lynn Plank

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02:56
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credits

released April 18, 2017

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about

Tessa Lynn Plank Chattanooga, Tennessee

I'm a mid 20's nobody who does art to cope with the shit that is life.

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Track Name: Good Intentions
no one wants to hear me whining about the shit that keeps me panicked in a frenzied state of paranoia and self doubt.
she didn't text me back. she didn't ask me to hang out. i'm a mess. i'm not as cool as i pretend to be.
i'm pretty sure if i was somebody else, i wouldn't waste my time on me.
but i have good intentions. i only have the best of Intentions.

Intentions don't pay the bills. You can't make a living off of your good will. You don't get the girl if you're a fucking loser.

i can't even remember the last time i had sex that didn't involve me getting fucked in the head or my right hand. i'm incapable of making a move sober, and no one wants to sleep with the drunk dyke at the bar.
my inadequacies are palpable, and self loathing makes me ill. it shows in every look i give to a pretty girl.
i'm rambling again. i know. i know. i'm no fun anymore at shows. i don't get hammered, and if i do i'm not yelling, not dancing, not fucking shit up.
i just sit in the back and i mope or i'm outside lost in my phone or i'm throwing up in someones unlocked car.
but i have good intentions. i only have the best of intentions.

Intentions don't pay the bills. You can't make a living off of your good will. You don't get the girl if you're a fucking loser.

I'm a fucking loser.
Track Name: Like You
rip my heart right out of my chest. it's better off on the outside where you can see it burst beneath your feet.
i'm getting tired but my eyes won't shut 'cause all the dreams that i dream of are of you, but she doesn't look like you.

'cause she says the things that you won't say.
she looks me in the face and never turns away.

i've had enough and i swear i'm done, but every time i stray you pull me back in. i don't want to be here.

'cause she says the things that you won't say.
she looks me in the face and never turns away.
Track Name: Juxtapose
you're a human with an angel's shining face.
mortals grovel, they're dumbfounded by your grace.
you can have your pick of princes, knights, and dames.
i'm no good for you.
unrequited love's the only kind i've made.
i fall into line just to feel out of place.
the definition of human fucking waste.
i'm no good for you.
optimism is a joke that i can't tell.
you're never pessimistic when you face the wrath of hell.
my struggles make me shrink.
yours cause you to swell.
i'm no good for you.
the silver lining is a myth.
i only see the shit stains on every priceless work of art.
every time you take a trip to the city dump, you come home with a fucking masterpiece.
drunk again and i lie helpless on the floor,
while you're off leading armies fearlessly to rage a war.
you're fighting all that's unjust.
i'm fighting with the door.
i'm no good for you.
Track Name: I'm a Trashcan
i'm not totally dumb, but i'm pretty naive.
ain't got much faith. i don't believe you.
but i want to.

you vomit words, and i'm the trashcan lined with scented floral bags covering the stench with all my wishful thinking.
you fill me up, and you take me out. left to fester on the curb. my purpose served. now you feel much better.

i've done the best that i can do to build my future around you, but you planted bombs all in the site of construction.
now my presents cold and bare; radioactive from the waste, but i love this place. i'll mutate long before i go.

i'm not totally dumb, but i'm pretty naive.
ain't got much faith. i don't believe you.
but i want to.

fuck you. i deserve much better than this. if i ever grow a spine, i'm gone. i'm gone.

i'm not totally dumb, but i'm pretty naive.
ain't got much faith. i don't believe you.
but i want to.
Track Name: PTSD
you did a number on me.
you fucked me up so much i can't stand to be touched by anyone i like or love.
it's been years, but sometimes i fucking lose it. i don't know if i'll get through it 'cause all my faith in humans has been broken.

in every smiling face i just see ange.r i see hate
'cause we're all capable of so much more than we're aware of.

sometimes in the early morning hours when my drunk ass can't get to sleep, you're haunting all my dreams and you're moaning as you sink into me.
your smile, your eyes, your smell. the excitement on your face. lack of consent really turns you on. doesn't it?
i wake up and i'm crying. i'm sweating. i can't breathe. i'm reminded of all those things that i blacked out.

in every smiling face i just see anger. i see hate.
'cause we're all capable of so much more than we're aware of.

i hear those awful screams, but i don't believe it's me.
it's like a movie that i don't know but i've probably seen.
it's brutal. it's inhuman. it's the kind of shit that gave me nightmares when i was a kid.
to know that man's just a beast. we are all just beasts.

in every smiling face, i just see anger. i see hate.
'causes we're all capable of so much more than we're aware of.
Track Name: Fuck Your Zodiac
according to the zodiac, i'm a virgo. but i don't think that's right 'cause i feel much more like a cancer.
i'm a cancer on everyone i love. destroying them from the inside.
they can't see me, and they don't know i'm there, but i'm twisting and dying among their organs.
pretty soon i'll hurt them. then they'll cut me out.
tumors don't make good friends.

if there is a hell, we are already there 'cause we were all born in sin.
it's not a place with fire and brimstone and demons. it's the world we live in.
what kind of god makes a place with so much pain? if we're in his image, he's fucking shitty.
heavens a myth, and love is just a joke, and the creator's a fucking masochist.

fuck your zodiac. your god is dead.
Track Name: Shit Tryst
i've been cruel to the ones i love, and i've fucked people i hate.
we accept what we deserve, and i deserve to be berated by someone just as lonely and angry with the world as i am.
i try to contain myself, but those thoughts come spilling out.
i try so hard to catch them, but they've already crossed my mouth.
i'm cursing this drink that's left me so vulnerable.
i know i'm not funny. i'm just exceptionally crass, but i feel a sense of comfort and warmth as you laugh.
so let's just go to bed, and i'll show you how offensive i am.
all my wounds are open. i lie bare with all my flaws.
i'm kind of like a car crash hidden just beyond the fog.
you can't see it 'til you're close, but that doesn't make it any less ugly.
roll around for hours. i'll pretend i'm not afraid, but those voices in my head, they get loud when i get laid.
they gossip and they criticize every fucking move i make.
i'll wake up in the morning and forget just where i am.
when i go to leave i just hope you'll understand.
you were just a band aid, not a fix for this broken heart.
Track Name: Tongue Tied
i'm just a novelty. a joke that no one's laughing at.
i'm just a mess of conflict and cliches.
i'm never comfortable. i'm always looking behind my back.
it never is, but i swear that it's ok.
i don't blame you for not taking me seriously.
i bite my tongue until it bleeds the way i always do.
when i tell you that i love you, you just look at me.
words are never enough.

i know if it's any good that it's no good for me.
i won't let anyone close cause from a distance, you can't break me.

i'm losing focus. it's getting harder to concentrate on anything but the sound of your breathing.
i'm getting close but that's the point where it all fades away.
it's everything i want, but nothing that i'm needing.
i can't take the suspense. it's fucking killing me.
silence speaks louder than eruptions and fist fights.
when i tell you that i love you, you just look at me.
words are never enough.

i know if it's any good that it's no good for me.
i won't let anyone close cause from a distance, you can't break me.
Track Name: Retrograde
people don't grow.
they don't change.
even though your skin on my tongue don't taste the same.
your eyes look tired, and you sound like shit.
your body's weak, and i don't want to know what happened to it.

why do you do the things you do?
constantly moving backwards to an old and rusted fucked up situation.

i wish you'd tell me why you're here.
i'm not your savior, and you'll find no refuge near.
i'll use you up just like before, but you'll think it's lovely 'cause consistency's what you strive for.

why do you do the things you do?
constantly moving backwards to an old and rusted fucked up situation.

i have a conscience but it's bent.
i'll stay your fucked up situation.
Track Name: Love is a Nightmare
overthinks drive me insane, and i can't sleep.
when i dream of you these days, you rip my flesh off with your teeth.
your eyes are wide and wild and vacant.
you're covered in my blood.
i guess i got what i deserve for falling in love.

after the feast we go to shows.
you sing along you hack up bones.
when we dance i get real sick.
my body's sour the air is thick
with the stench of rotting, putrid meat,
decaying hearts and tear soaked cheeks.
you grab my hand you pull me in.
there's still blood stains on your skin.
your eyes are wild. your hunger grows. you gauge my neck. you rip my clothes.
beads of red fall to the floor.

i give in.

overthinks drive me insane and i can't sleep.