Sex, Love, and Self Loathing (ep)

by Tessa Lynn Plank

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01:58
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01:47
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02:02
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released March 31, 2016

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Tessa Lynn Plank Chattanooga, Tennessee

I'm a mid 20's nobody who does art to cope with the shit that is life.

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Track Name: Shit Tryst
I've been cruel to the ones I love, and I've fucked people I hate.
We accept what we deserve, and I deserve to berated by someone just as lonely and angry with the world as I am.
I try to contain myself, but those thoughts come spilling out.
I try so hard to catch them, but they've already crossed my mouth.
Now I'm cursing this drink that's left me so vulnerable.
I know I'm not funny. I'm just exceptionally crass.
But I feel a sense of comfort and warmth as you laugh.
So let's just go to bed, and I'll show you how offensive I am.
All my wounds are open. I lie bare with all my flaws.
I'm kind of like a car crash hidden just beyond the fog.
You can't see it 'til you're close, but that doesn't make it any less ugly.
We roll around for hours. I pretend I'm not afraid.
But those voices in my head, they get loud when I get laid.
They gossip and they criticize every fucking move I make.
We'll wake up in the morning. I'll forget just where I am.
When I go to leave, I just hope you'll understand that
You were just a band-aid, not a fix for this broken heart.
Track Name: Juxtapose
You're a human with an angel's shining face.
Mortals grovel. They're dumbfounded by your grace.
You can have your pick of princes, knights, and dames.
I'm no good for you.

Unrequited love's the only kind I've made.
I fall into line just to feel out of place.
The definition of human fucking waste.
I'm no good for you.

Optimism is a joke that I can't tell.
You're never pessimistic when you face the wrath of hell.
My struggles make me shrink.
Yours cause you to swell.
I'm no good for you.

The silver lining is a myth.
I only see the shit stains on ever priceless work of art.
But every time you take a trip to the city dump,
You come home with a fucking masterpiece.

Drunk again and I lie helpless on the floor,
While you're off leading armies fearlessly to rage a war.
You're fighting all that is unjust.
I'm fighting with the door.
I'm no good for you.
Track Name: Good Intentions
No one wants to hear me whining about the shit that keeps me panicked in a frenzied state of paranoia and self doubt.
She didn't text me back. She didn't ask me to hang out.
I'm a mess. I'm not as cool as I pretend to be.
I'm pretty sure if I was somebody else, I wouldn't waste my time on me.
But I have good intentions.
I only have the best of intentions.

But intentions don't pay the bills.
You can't make a living off of your good will.
You don't get the girl if you're a fucking loser.

Can't even remember the last time I had sex that didn't involve me being fucked in the head or my right hand.
I'm incapable of making a move sober, and no one wants to sleep with the drunk dyke at the bar.
My inadequacies are palpable, and self loathing makes me ill.
And it shows in every look I give to a pretty girl.
I'm rambling again. I know. I know.
I'm no fun anymore at shows.
I don't get hammered.
And if I do I'm not yelling. Not dancing. Not fucking shit up.
I just sit in the back and I mope or I'm outside list in my phone or I'm throwing up in someone's unlocked car.
But I have good intentions.
I only have the best of intentions.

But intentions don't pay the bills,
And you can't make a living off of your good will.
And you don't get the girl if you're a ficking loser.
I'm a fucking loser.
Track Name: Bad Brain
I have an illness.
A disease inside my head.
It makes it hard to connect with other human beings.
If I could get in a fist fight with my brain
I'd fucking kill it.
I'd snuff out its existence with my own hands.

God, I get so tired of feeling battered, raw, and bloody
When on the surface I look fine.

Life is fucking terrible,
And when you're sick it's unbearable.
Nothing's quite as simple as it seems to be.

I'm scared to death of people.
Cause people just don't get it.
It's easier to forget than to reach out.
I feel much more lonely
Around people who claim to know me.
The only ones who know me live in my skull.

God, I get so tired of feeling fragmented and broken
When on the outside I look fine.

Life is fucking terrible
And when you're sick it's unbearable.
Nothing's quite as simple as it seems to be.
Track Name: SociallyAwkwardPenguin (sap)
I don't know if there's enough duct tape in the whole wide fucking world to silence those voices in your head, but I'm cleaning out the hardware store.
I swear I'm going to cover all your mirrors in roses and fine art and sunsets, so you'll see yourself the way I see you. Nothing less than beautiful.
I've seen those dark clouds forming just beyond those pretty blue eyes. Whatever the weather we can face it together. I've got my rain jacket and an umbrella.
Honey, I know it gets hard sometimes to just drag yourself out of bed. You can spend weeks tucked beneath your sheets, and I'll be waiting with a fresh pot of coffee.
Brighter days are coming. If you asked me, I couldn't say how. But whenever you smile I feel ok for while. Honey, that's good enough for me.
Track Name: Love is a Nightmare
Overthinks drive me insane, and I can't sleep.
When I dream of you these days, you rio my flesh off with your teeth.
You're eyes are bright and wide and vacant. You're covered in my blood.
I guess I got what I deserve for falling in love.

After the feast we go to shows.
You sing along. You hack up bones.
And when we dance, I get real sick.
My body's sore. The air is thick
With the stench of rotting putrid meats,
decaying hearts, and tear soaked cheeks.
You grab my hand. You pull me in.
There's still bloodstains on your skin.
You're eyes are wild. Your hunger grows.
You gouge my neck. You rip my clothes.
Beads of red fall to the floor.
I give in.

Overthinks drive me insane.
I can't sleep.