Half Hearted Apathy (EP)

by Tessa Lynn Plank

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TheWorstGenerALAN This whole release hits so consistently well. Each song is as good as the last, it's hard to even rank them. I'm so glad these songs were written. Favorite track: On Socialization.
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02:38
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02:27
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01:39
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01:52
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02:13

credits

released August 12, 2016

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about

Tessa Lynn Plank Chattanooga, Tennessee

I'm a mid 20's nobody who does art to cope with the shit that is life.

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Track Name: I'm a trashcan
I'm not totally dumb, but I'm pretty naive.
Ain't got much faith. I don't believe you.
But I want to.

You vomit words and I'm the trashcan lined with scented floral bags covering the smell with all my wishful thinking.
You fill me up and you take me out.
Left to fester on the curb.
My purpose served and now you feel much better.

I've done the best that I can do to build my future around you,
But you planted bombs all in the site of construction.
Now my present's cold and bare, radioactive from the waste,
but I love this place.
I'll mutate long before I go.

I'm not totally dumb, but I'm pretty naive.
Ain't got much faith. I don't believe you.
But I want to.

Fuck you. I deserve much better than this. If I ever grow a spine I'm gone.

I'm not totally dumb, but I'm pretty naive.
Ain't got much faith. I don't believe you.
But I want to.
Track Name: Retrograde
People don't grow and they don't change.
Even though your skin on my tongue don't taste the same.
Your eyes look tired and you sound like shit.
Your bodies weak and I don't want to know what happened to it.

Why do you do the things you do?
Constantly moving backwards to an old and rusted fucked up situation.

I wish you'd tell me why you're here.
I'm not your savior, and you'll find no refuge near.
I'll use you up just like before,
But you'll think it's lovely 'cause consistency is what you strive for.

Why do you do the things you do?
Constantly moving backwards to an old and rusted fucked up situation.

I have a conscience but it's bent.
I'll stay your fucked up situation.
Track Name: On Socialization
When I was a kid I never had a lot to say. I was terrified of humans. I had to find God and be saved. I hated presentations and even show and tell, 'cause when you're little and invisible speaking up is hell. I didn't play with barbies. Other kids thought I was weird. When the bell would ring for recess all my friends would disappear. I was quiet and I was lonely. But no one seemed to mind. So I'd throw myself onto the ground and pray that I'd be blinded by the flashing light of salvation penetrating through the dark. Instead I'd wind up breathless in the backseat of my parents car.

Mortality is feeble. Happiness is grim. Hell is other people. Redemption's fitting in.

When I got a little older, I finally came to terms with the crushing price of godliness. The promise land is earned. So I got a job, and I bought a car. I bought a life and friends. It costs a hell of a lot less to sell yourself than to repent for sins. If you're going to live, might as well live for the day. All strung out and high as hell just giving yourself away. The one I loved she ditched me 'cause I was out of control, but I had drugs and money so fuck her. I'm rock and roll.

Mortality is feeble. Happiness is grim. Hell is other people. Redemption's fitting in.

When I turned 18, I packed up and I moved out. I was never higher. Pretty soon I bottomed out. Pills and coke and acid and whatever I could drink. The well was never dry and I could bleed into the sink. I'd think of God and Christ and razors and what my folks would say as the tossed handfuls of dirt and flowers into my open grave. "How could she do this when she's got so much to give?" But life isfucking shit.

Mortality is feeble. Happiness is grim. Hell is other people. Redemption's fitting in.
Track Name: Alcohol & LSD
I'm a coward,
and I'm a fake
Cause I always say exactly what you want me to say.
Maybe I'm a bitch,
and you're a fucking cunt.
But I guarantee if you say don't, I won't.

This hold you've got on me is like alcohol and LSD.
I'm fucked.

You're just a person,
and I am too.
But that doesn't stop you from manipulating everything I do.
Maybe I'll cry.
Maybe you'll get mad,
But your guarantee is, "Baby! It's not that bad."

This hold you've got on me is like alcohol and LSD.
I'm fucked.
Track Name: PTSD
You did a number on me.
You fucked me up so much that I can't stand to be touched by anyone I like or love.
It's been years,
But sometimes I fucking lose it and I don't know if I'll get through it 'cause all my faith in humans has been broken.

In every smiling face
I just see anger. I see hate.
'Cause we are all capable of so much more than we're aware of.

Sometimes in the early morning hourswhen my drunk ass can't get to sleep,
You're haunting all my dreams and you're moaning as you sink into me.
Your smile. Your eyes. Your smell.
The excitement on your face.
Lack of consent really turns you on, doesn't it?
I wake up and I'm crying, sweating, I can't breathe.
I'm reminded of all the things that I've blacked out.

In every smiling face
I just see anger. I see hate.
'Cause we are all capable of so much more than we're aware of.

I hear those aweful screams but I don't believe it's me.
It's like a scene from a movie I don't know, but I've probably seen.
It's brutal, and it's inhuman.
It's the kind of shit that gave me nightmares when I was a kid.
To know that man's just a beast. We are all just beasts.

In every smiling face
I just see anger. I see hate.
'Cause we are all capable of so much more than we're aware of.
Track Name: Like You
Rip my heart right out of my chest.
It's better off on the outside where you can see it burst beneath your feet.
I'm getting tired, but my eyes won't shut.
'Cause all the dreams that I dream of are of you.
But she don't look like you.

'Cause she says the things that you won't say.
She looks me in the face and never turns away.

I've had enough and I swear I'm done.
But every time I stray you pull me back in. I don't want to be here.

'Cause she says the things that you won't say.
She looks me in the face and never turns away.
Track Name: Chronic
Waking up with someone doesn't mean you love them.
Telling all your secrets to them only means you want to trust them.
Are you lonely enough to put yourself through all the bullshit that goes along with falling in love?

Hanging onto every word like its the remedy
For all the ailments I've forgotten were a plague on me.
The further I fall the more I realize
This isn't love. It's just a chronic disease.

My heart skips beats, and I can't breathe.
I'm suffocating.
Choking on the words that come out wrong and leave me hating myself for my inability to ever fucking please you.
You'll get fed up of me fucking up and run away to

Someone familiar. Someone comfortable who knows what to say.
Someone who loves you like I love you but not n the same way
Because he's confident. He's bold. You don't make him stutter.
His palms don't sweat when you hold his hand.

Waking up with someone doesn't mean you love them.
Telling all your secrets to them only means you want to trust them.
I'd rather be alone forever than to fall.

My heart skips beats, and I can't breathe.
I'm suffocating.
Choking on the words that come out wrong and leave me hating myself for my inability to ever fucking please you.
I don't want to fall in love.
Track Name: troublesum
Pills go down much easier with a fifth of vodka and a dollar bill stuffed in your nose. Getting high shouldn't be a crime when you're only 18 and a strangers couch feels just like home.

You always showed up when we dosed out. Everybody swore you worked with the cops, but cops don't deface government property. And they don't skate and they don't blaze four grams of the dankest shit you can buy when they come to town just to cheer you up cause you're having a bad day.

Friends like you are hard to come by. I haven't met another one yet who'd try to save me from all the fucked up shit that I've been through. No one shows up at my door in the middle of the night with 24 Steele reserve and a thirst for Nintendo.

Smashed her face into the dashboard driving her home drunk. Broke your back a few years later. Invincibility seemed to be encoded in your genes. But your heart was fucking fragile.

There's still bar stools I won't sit in.
There's still songs that I can't bear to listen to.