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lyrics

No one ever calls to see if I'm ok, and even if I'm not nobody would come over anyways. Left to my own devices, I'm slipping and I'm sliding right back into the same old shit that put me here. Sometimes I hurt myself, and I drink until there's nothing left, and I take those pills they assured me would help. Then I feel a whole lot worse 'cause I can't forgive you for going first. I miss you more than words can say.

But I know you know I love you.

Once upon a time I had a friend who was always there when I needed him. He'd drive for miles just to stop in and say "hi." He had plans and he had goals. He was also really baller at old school Nintendo, and one day he was gonna move to Japan. There was a time when we took a strip, and we drove to the playground and we vandalized it. I'd never seen a bigger smile on his face. He was the only one who stuck around through the addiction, the abuse, and the aftermath, and swore to me that I was better than that.

He said "I know you know I love you."

The day came, and he messaged me. He said, "Hey, what's up? Are you free? It's been a while. We should really meet up." I didn't know what a mistake I made when I said, "I can't, man. Not today." 'Cause that's the last thing I ever said to him. He took some shit. I don't know what 'cause I never ever got the guts to go visit him. That would make it real. Hell, I've never even been to his grave 'cause I'm still pissed off about the way he left me here all alone.

But I know you know I love you.

Sometimes I have a dream where we're sitting on my couch when we were 18 in my awful apartment that smelled like mold. His casts are gone and his wounds are healed so we don't have anywhere to get more pills so we swear them off, and we just move away. We both are happy and we both are free from the pain, and the addiction, and the awful things that happened to us since we were those kids. But I wake up, and I start to cry 'cause there's no one to talk to since my best friend died. So I just lie there.

I know you know I love you.

credits

from Cheaper Than Therapy, released September 25, 2017

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Tessa Lynn Plank Chattanooga, Tennessee

Still out here making bedroom music with my reaper trial and scarlett 2i2.

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