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On Socialization

from Half Hearted Apathy (EP) by Tessa Lynn Plank

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lyrics

When I was a kid I never had a lot to say. I was terrified of humans. I had to find God and be saved. I hated presentations and even show and tell, 'cause when you're little and invisible speaking up is hell. I didn't play with barbies. Other kids thought I was weird. When the bell would ring for recess all my friends would disappear. I was quiet and I was lonely. But no one seemed to mind. So I'd throw myself onto the ground and pray that I'd be blinded by the flashing light of salvation penetrating through the dark. Instead I'd wind up breathless in the backseat of my parents car.

Mortality is feeble. Happiness is grim. Hell is other people. Redemption's fitting in.

When I got a little older, I finally came to terms with the crushing price of godliness. The promise land is earned. So I got a job, and I bought a car. I bought a life and friends. It costs a hell of a lot less to sell yourself than to repent for sins. If you're going to live, might as well live for the day. All strung out and high as hell just giving yourself away. The one I loved she ditched me 'cause I was out of control, but I had drugs and money so fuck her. I'm rock and roll.

Mortality is feeble. Happiness is grim. Hell is other people. Redemption's fitting in.

When I turned 18, I packed up and I moved out. I was never higher. Pretty soon I bottomed out. Pills and coke and acid and whatever I could drink. The well was never dry and I could bleed into the sink. I'd think of God and Christ and razors and what my folks would say as the tossed handfuls of dirt and flowers into my open grave. "How could she do this when she's got so much to give?" But life isfucking shit.

Mortality is feeble. Happiness is grim. Hell is other people. Redemption's fitting in.

credits

from Half Hearted Apathy (EP), released August 12, 2016

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Tessa Lynn Plank Chattanooga, Tennessee

Still out here making bedroom music with my reaper trial and scarlett 2i2.

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